Hi Ruth,
In the video below, taken during the Australian Royal Commission Hearings investigating the policies of the Watchtower as they relate to child abuse, Governing Body member Geoffery Jackson is questioned about the Congregations authority over those who have left the organization of their own free will.
In the video, just after the 7:00 mark, Jackson indicates that the congregation has no authority over such ones and there is no judicial rulings made against them unless they are trying to return to the congregation.
If this is the case then your fiance', since he wasn't trying to get back into the Congregation, should not have been disfellowshipped and therefore his family should still be able to speak to him just as they have been doing these many years. Perhaps if his family hears this video they will realize there has been a mistake made and disregard his disfellowshippment or perhaps your fiance' can appeal for it be revoked based on the fact that he has been out of the organization for 20+ years and isn't trying to come back and therefore not under the congregations authority. There have been experiences reported on this site of individuals who have had success in having their disfellowshimpmets rescinded.
Your fiance' would have to present this video to his family in just the right manner so that they wouldn't dig their heels in out of pride or to save face. But it may be quite eye opening for them to see how unclear one of their leaders (who is supposedly guided by Jehovah's Holy Spirit) is about his own policies and the life altering effects they can and do have on individuals and entire families such as your husbands as well as most of us who participate in this forum.